Fuck my life, I mean fuck thank god I'm still alive or whatever. I just woke up from a terrible terrible nightmare. This has to be the worst nightmare ever like I have ever had in my entire life. I know how people feel now, those girls that want to commit suicide. At least I haven't been...but I almost did but even so I can't remove those images from my head. I was shaking when I woke up and still those images are still haunting me. I'm scared and just like the dream, I couldn't tell anyone because I was scared. What the hell, what was wrong with me to dream something about this...

Tired, offically my first day of school and I am tired as hell. Wake up early and I am not used to it. Good part is school has taking off a lot of things from my mind so I am sort of happy. FIGHTING! This year will be hard but we have to sacrifice some of  our interests to be able to succeed in life.

Why am I feeling so unhappy right now. I'm trying to smile but I just can't...

Starting school tmr and bleuh I really dont feel like it. Lately, Ive been going crazy about books. I loe reading seriously but the sad part is that I always fell for the main character guy in the book. They are just too perfect and I want someone like them that loves me. But I always need to remind myself that it's a book. Anyway I hate to go to sleep, going to school tomorrow :(

Always Happy Thoughts Happy Thoughts

I have to be positive !

I can't eat these days... I just really can't. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in depression or it's just that I have a health problem. I can't do this anymore. I can't fake anymore, I'm not happy... Even though I try so hard to be. Really I did, I did try my best to smile and reassure the people around me but I can't anymore. Summer is over and it's back to reality. I can't dream anymore, I have to face so many obstacles. I'm just broken and nobody can ever help me.

Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.

Sometimes what I really want is for everything to work out for once ..

Re-reading old birthday card and I could helped but shed tears.. I just want hug them really tight those that stayed. I dont want anything to change. This year was really hard for me, like almost everything. Ive changed into something that I dont like. I have to cherish those people because they mean a lot to me. I cant take back what Id said but if God gives me a second chance, I wont blow it this time. I hope that the people Ive hurted will eventually forgive me because even me myself, dont want to because Im a horrible person..

Do more, care more and love more. Key to happiness

What if the person you really really like and have a huge crush on is already taken. I don't know but it's been a while since my heart hasn't beaten so fast for someone. He made me forget the pain that I had before. He changed me somehow. Even though we barely know each other, he taught me a lot. To know that he's already happy with someone does hurt me but he helped me finding the real me. What I am. I mean to him I might be silly but no I am not. I know that I'm a kind of person that really likes to have fun and just live my life the fullest and also smile as much as I can. When I look at this person, I see someone really mature and when I look back at myself, I see someone that just wants to be a kid again. I know what I want now and thanks to him, I'm free again. Starting a new me, that's going to be a great adventure. I wish him all the best and also a lot happiness. If there's any chances that we meet again, I'll be glad to be friends with him..