My thoughts

I guess I think that my first love did affect me. Not the first person I've ever dated but the person I have loved the most. He's my first love. Not matter what I can't change that because the feeling I felt towards him was somehow real to me. I cannot deny that I would like us to give it a try but at the same time, the problem was that we aren't in the same world. I don't see a future for us even though I hope that somehow it would. I miss him but at the same time I'm much more happier now. I kept torturing myself by thinking of the past. There was a period of time where I didn't want to guys because I feel like I don't want this anymore. People say that I've changed but it was only a way to protect myself. Right now, I can truly say that it doesn't matter how I protect myself, I would get hurt anyway so why not change this perspective that I had. It's okay to have guy friends, it's okay to flirt, it's fucking okay to do whatever you like and not think of what other people say because by so, we learned more experiences and we become wiser that we used to. I've missed so many opportunities to meet new people in the past because I didn't want anybody else expect him. WELL FUCK IT. I'm much more wiser now, if it's not meant to be then it's whatever. We can't always live in the past and how happy we were because no we weren't fucking happy. In our mind we thought we are because right now we feel miserable. That shit is stupid. We have to wake and realize that to be happy, we have to make it happen. We have to do things we like and not care about the people that judge. If you like to read and it makes you happy well READ. If you like to party and get drunk well do it, it's your life. I don't party because I am on diet haha but I would if I was skinny and shit. Beside it's not healthy. Anyway the point is, I do what I like. If I want to stay home and sleep well that's my choice. Even though it's a waste of time but who cares? I am fucking tired. 

Also I should stop cursing haha, it's not classy but I just wanted to prove my point. Whatever I curse if I want to.