Trust no one, that's it.

I feel bad that I had to keep so much to myself because these days I can't really trust people anymore. Not that I don't trust them but they are still a lot of things that are still inside me and ready to explode. I guess I was wrong about trusting them. This year I have regretted like making my friend cried, I guess that I wasn't a really good friend after all, I've never really felt good after her special day. I tried to fix it sometimes I wish I can go back in time and be with her on her special day like she did for me. She had done so much for me and I'm thankful for that.. I just wish her to be happy from now on because she deserves it! I want the people around me to be happy, especially the ones that I care. I have regretted so many things that can't be change anymore. Thinking about it, I was really stupid. I'm sorry for those that I'd hurted and that is why I want to improve as a person. Being more mature but still super fun to hang with because hey, my "funess" is giving by nature itself. Forget the pain that people caused to you is the goal I'm trying to achieve -fighting-

So today I chilled with my wifey today and it was super fun like every time we went out. I don't know but I'd said to her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and all and those stuff were true. I think that most people these days get into relationship so fast that it doesn't mean anything to them because in their mind, they want to have someone and to be loved. I guess we don't have the same priorities because to me, I want to be in relationship because I like/love that person. And that person has to be my friend and all. I don't know I felt like talking about what I want because I'd never really thought before. Right now, I guess I really am not capable of handling a relationship because I don't know what I am searching for. To me, to find someone I really connect with is to stop searching, stop hoping. I want to start to live myself first before loving someone else. I had put myself in quit some shits and it didn't feel good, I always put myself down because I feel like I'm not good enought for anybody. I had never loved myself because I never ever did. Why? I don't know. How can somebody likes/loves me if your own self doesn't even love you. That's fucked up. To be honest, I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship because I'm still trenager and the idea of true love no longer exist in my vocabulary. There isn't for me that's for sure. I respect those that are willing to try because they had been through so much and now they are finally happy and I'm happy. I had been worrying about some people, worrying that they won't move on but I'm happy to find out they did. -tears of joys- But there are also those people that had lost my respect because seriously, you don't need to rush into things just let things work out work out with time but I always have to rrmond myself that this is none of my business but it doesn't mean I really what they are doing. As long as you don't bother me with your little problems then that's super fine. Anyway so today I watched the lucky one with wifey and you know it was really sweet because it just encourage me to wait for the lucky one that will save me. Vut right now, I have to save myself and to love myself because it helps me grow as a person. I want to be a mature fine lady and when this day comes then I'll take about boys and stuff.. Drama and problem here we go again

Lately I've een really mad because of some stupid people. I felt used and I hate being someone's toy like seriously fuck you. I'm still mad but you know it's summer and it is time no have fun. I don't want my summer to be ruin by thosr people that arr just not worth it anymore, I'm done because I'd been betrayed before and I don't want a third time. I'm so happy to be able to volunteer to watch over childrens. They're so adorable and it's just really fun to be able to play with them, they made my day and I just livr them so much. Today I went to the movie theater with some old friends, I missed them really much, they really make me stronger and they make me believe that true friendship does exist. Even though we barely see each other, we always end up having a blast ahaha! Today was just awesome, I can't wait to be able to hang out more with them. Our quebecois left early to see his date so he couldn't discuss with us of how we met. It's just so strange how I got closed to them, it just sort of happened itself but those are the best friendship with people seriouly, anyway going to sleep because I'm tired night night <3

So yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop with some of my friends and after I felt someone taping my shoulder and by surprise, it was my childhood best friend. Lately I've thinking about her and how closed we used to be. She and another girl are my childhood best friend and in my heart, they still are. We had an argument before and I didn't know why but it turns out to be okay afterwards. I missed her and it made me realized how I miss the people in my past. It's really fun to be able to see your old friends again. She made me really happy just by being there. She didn't change at all and we talked like we never really were apart even though it's been almost a year since we haven't talk. Next Wednesday I'll be hanging out with some old friends of mine, it's so funny that just like that we're going to have a hang out. For real, with them, it was really fun and I was being myself. Even though we had met in a English course, we became such good friends. After four years, we still talk and hang out. I can't wait to see them. I miss being with friends like that. How comfortable I am when I'm with those type of friends. No drama, no bullshit, no lies.. no nothing that will make me unhappy. I really need to reconnect with those people that were in my past because I was stupid for letting them go..

Webcaming with viviane and I'm so hungry

I can't wait for this summer! Seriously I need to do a lot things. I need to exercise more, sing more and learn the guitar. I have to dye my hair and I have to buy a lot of clothes and shorts. I have to buy shoes. I have to live my life as a teenager. I have to spend time with people that are worth it! 

not a good day, if tomorrow is okay then everything will be alright

Real friends

Sometimes living in the past is not always a bad things. I guess that I've just realized how much I miss my old friends. It really made my day talking to them because we shared lots of great memories before. Sometimes I really wish I can rewind to the past because everything was so much easier. Talking about old times made me realized that I had lost a lot of people in my life. As I grow older, I know that there are some people that won't be in my life anymore and I won't care because it's a part of life but there are still those that even if you haven't talk for so long, you'll always maintain friends because the bond that you shared with them was strong enough to last. It's hard to believe that the people that you thought you will never let go of are now not that important to you because they don't consider you as their real friends. It's sad but at the same I've learned that you can't always trust people and that in life, friends come and go. I've learned that they are only some people in your life that you can really really trust. I know I have found them because one hand is already enought if I have to count them which two of them are the ones I trust the most and tell everything to. Lately they had help me so much even though I thought that could handle it myself but it feels good to pour yourself to the people you trust because you know they won't backstabbed you like most "friends" do..anyway going to sleep now!

you know that I'm scared

I really have to thank my family for taking care of me during this long week of fever-ing and coughing. It still has to go on but I just feel so bad because I've put them into so much trouble. Especially when I cough because they can't really do anything except letting me sleep and giving me water. Seeing them taking care of me just melt my heart. I loved when my grandma was putting on some chinese herb thingy on my back, I've notice that she got so much older because of her dry wrinkly hands :( I couldn't help but to shed a tear because after all those years, she had taking care of me with my grandpa and because of my bad temper sometimes well I ruin things. I've regretted so many things. I'm not a good grandchild. I love my grandparents so much and that the thought of losing them will really really tear me apart. I have to cherish them everyday because I'm scared that one day they will leave me.

I hate those dreams about him. Because every time I wake up, I still love him but I have to remind myself that dreams will never be reality and I have to wake up. I know who has always been there for me and who I deserve to love because that person is worth it unlike him.