So today I chilled with my wifey today and it was super fun like every time we went out. I don't know but I'd said to her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and all and those stuff were true. I think that most people these days get into relationship so fast that it doesn't mean anything to them because in their mind, they want to have someone and to be loved. I guess we don't have the same priorities because to me, I want to be in relationship because I like/love that person. And that person has to be my friend and all. I don't know I felt like talking about what I want because I'd never really thought before. Right now, I guess I really am not capable of handling a relationship because I don't know what I am searching for. To me, to find someone I really connect with is to stop searching, stop hoping. I want to start to live myself first before loving someone else. I had put myself in quit some shits and it didn't feel good, I always put myself down because I feel like I'm not good enought for anybody. I had never loved myself because I never ever did. Why? I don't know. How can somebody likes/loves me if your own self doesn't even love you. That's fucked up. To be honest, I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship because I'm still trenager and the idea of true love no longer exist in my vocabulary. There isn't for me that's for sure. I respect those that are willing to try because they had been through so much and now they are finally happy and I'm happy. I had been worrying about some people, worrying that they won't move on but I'm happy to find out they did. -tears of joys- But there are also those people that had lost my respect because seriously, you don't need to rush into things just let things work out work out with time but I always have to rrmond myself that this is none of my business but it doesn't mean I really what they are doing. As long as you don't bother me with your little problems then that's super fine. Anyway so today I watched the lucky one with wifey and you know it was really sweet because it just encourage me to wait for the lucky one that will save me. Vut right now, I have to save myself and to love myself because it helps me grow as a person. I want to be a mature fine lady and when this day comes then I'll take about boys and stuff.. Drama and problem here we go again