gros vag sur la vie

I dont want you anymore. Everything has fade away. I guess I dont feel anything for anymore. The thing is, I dont know if I even want to be friends with you. You're become this freaking asshole that I hate. All along I was blinded by this feeling that I had towards you but now that I have opened my eyes, I see the real you. I dont know what happened to you exactly but the guy I fell in love with was always smiling. Even your jokes werent that hurtful. I just dont like your dark side. I guess it's what it is. Because of you, I might have been with the person I should have.

Going to rockland for boxing day tmr woot woot

oh ma gad, i miss my nephews and nieces so muchhhhhhhh <3
especially justin and julia, why do they have to live so far away
matthew and alice are so cute , why are they so cute omgggggggg
i think ill become a pedophile one day ahaha

Distancing is done for two reasons: either because you hate that person or you're just too scared to fall in love completely with that person.

Doesnt mean Im lonely when Im alone

it sucks to see your teenagers years wasted because you always have to work. ive came to a point of life that it's over all of this and it's time to get serious. ive never really experienced real crazy stuffs because i had to work. i remember back then, that i have to fking beg to go somewhere because they dont want me to go. and because of time, i'd losen to many opportunities to hang out and have fun. TO BE A REAL TEENAGER. i still remember when i was 14, how happy i was because ive got this freedom that id first tasted. now it's all gone. now that im 17, life sucks because i cant do anything. few months to go, cant wait

what pisses me off the most is when my mom doesnt want to hire people to do our job. WE HAVE LIVES TOO! i have to study for my shits. i dont always have to time to work for you. ive already gave up most of my teenager's year because of you. you know how many friends i have lost because of you. my social life was ruined because of you. because you dont want to hire someone to take my place. im sick of it. I HATE THIS JOB. the customers are always getting on my nerves. it's fucking in the end of the world. it always takes me fking 2 hours to get there and when im late you fking yelled at me like what the fuck? am i fking superman. seriously this business has fucking ruined me. seriously im sick of it. when i go to cegep dont except me to go to work everyday because i wont. fcking hire somebody or just close down because no i wont give up my future for this crap. anyway it just pisses me off so much!!

so many things going on and i cant do anything about. why are people so psycho nowadays like what the hell, is killing someone makes you that much of a pleasure? i will never understand what they are thinking. not that i dont want to help them but sometimes im not as big as a person.

I dont believe in love

My skin is so bad this past month. I think it's because of my foundation so I think I still back to bb cream again. I've breaking out so badly. Or maybe it's because I've eaten to much curreey chickaaaan . I love the chanese curry chicken :) it makes me hungryyyyy. Cray cray about good food <3 anyway so far, im pretty tired of everything and cant wait for christmas! Too many parties and i dont even know id i can go because family comes first and i have to work. So far, 5 birthdays to go to so it means i wont have money for boxing day :( anyway i have to work hard on this christmas break to gain money! Plus i have to stop procrastinating!!

cray cray about coeur de pirate. i love her voice and her songs <3

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

let it snow let it snow let it snow :)

What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger!

Facetiming with my sister and her boyfriend is liking watching a romantic movie but a bad one that makes you want to puke

Omg my room is so messy

Watching drunken to love you.. Brings me back so many memories. That summer was the best! Everything has changed now. Whatever

Can I sleep forever? Because Im really tireeeeeed.

I cant take this anymore. Seriously can you stop being all crazy. We're not your dogs. No one give you the right to yell at us because you're angry over something. If you want to yell at something start with yourself and how control freak you are. How you think you know everything because no you dont. Stop freaking criticize me when you are no better. Do you know how it affects me. I really cant take this anymore. I cant stand you NOBODY CAN with your freaking mood swing. I know how much you've done for us but you are makingus miserable. I want to tell you things but at the end I get yell at. Whatever you arr just pushing us away. Dont try to act nice in front of people just because you want to keep your face. Seriously old chinese people are all hypocrite. Whatever im done. Im sick of you. I wont cry anymore because im just wasting thkse tears for an horrible person like you.

How I can do is blame myself for this. We wouldnt be this way if I havent acted so cold... Maybe we would've still be friends somehie

Going home, in the car
Me : mom im going to learn how to knit a scarf, im going to knit you one and you're going to wear it every day.
Mom : do i really have to ?
Me : huh yes because you can show it off in front of your chinese momma momma friend
Mom : it's okay ill pass
-dad comes in-
Me : daddy, mommy doesnt to wear the scarf im going to knit for her
Daddy : why
Me : because she thinks it's going to be ugly
Daddy : well you wont even finish it
Me ; thank you for the support
Daddy : we will always "support" you
DADDY AND MOM START LAUGHING

wow thanks .

Is it just me but I felt so awkward at that moment and I almost bump into you. How much it hurts but well...

Cant wait to leave high school. There are some people that are just too awful for me to stand. Not respect. Wait for them to get to cegep and get the taste of your own medecine because you are nothing.

Feeling betray by someone that you consider as your best friend
Anyway whatever

Okay my eyes are hurting i better go to sleep

Crazy day omg

Okay so today was a CRAY CRAY DAY FOR ME. I was so tired this morning so I prepared myself some tea and first period was boring obviously but when second period has started like I couldnt stop laughing with my guy friend mike and i dont know what we ate this morning but we were really cray cray omg. I couldnt stop laughing and i was so tired. After that well of course i was being all crazy with my girl well only me. Lunch time was just the same again. We were talking about old times and it was just so funny. I was litterary dying. I cant believe it's our last year together. We had so many good memories together! :( anyway back to happy day. After lunch it's ethique and french so obviously the teachers were being all crazies and the only thing i qas doing is being craaazy. After school was zumba and watching my friends doing it was so funny. I loved it! I messed around in salle 5 and you know everything went crazy. Walked home and now im writing this. Laters, going to study now.

Today I wrote a lot of quotes in my agenda and I've analyzed all those quotes about life and happiness. I really have to thank them everyday from now on because I've realized that there are many people out there that are in a way more worst situation than I am and still, they are happy. It's time to burry those feelings and live life the fullest. Smile everyday. A minute wasted being angry or sad is sixty seconds wasted to be happy. I'm not telling myself to always be happy and not be sad because no I will be sad some times.

It breaks my heart to see people die because of wars. It's not fair. My prayers go to all of the people suffering from war. Why can we just live all equally and peacefully.

Having a facial mask time for me ~
So relaxing

Cantonese show are the best. It's been a while since I haven't laughed that much. It feels so good!

ok FUCK i cut my bangs on my on and duh it turns out to be a BIG fail
i have to wear my bangs up for at least 3 months, hopefully they will grow fast like most of the time
IT'S JUST NOT MYYYYYY YEAR 2012

listening to old childhood songs <3 disney songs and high school musical.
it gives me chills, can i go back to my childhood?

Just woke up and not feeling well. Maybe it's been two days in a row that I haven't slept more than 4 hours have drown me so much that I feel like not waking up. It's saturday wouhou ! I'm going to buy to masks because I seriously need some because my skin is screaming for help. I wonder if I should buy a new sweater or a new dress? I don't know yet but I'll see if I have some time to. Anyway I have to do a chinese essay so omg kill me :(

Mom : shirley you've gained so much weight lately
Me : I know I know , what do you want me to do?
Mom : It's okay. Like that you won't have a boyfriend and I don't have to worry about you
Me : Wow thanks mom, you want me to die forever alone okay I get it

My mom is the nicest ==' it's okay, if I i end up forever alone they promised because daddy promised to take care of me hehe :)

Am I the only one that likes to listen to old chinese songs? The lyrics, the melodies and the voices are much more better than what we have now. It's full of emotions and I just love it. I can't wait for all the exams and projects to be over so that I can enjoy my cantonese dramas omg. I hate that every time I go to chinese school they always spoil things because they have the fking time watch and I don't. SO UNFAIR. I think I have like at least 8 dramas to catch on like what the hell did I stop? I'm going crazy about the songs on Witness Insecurity even though it wasn't my favorite drama overall because they let my BOSCO DIE :(:( And it became boring after episode 12-13-14? But yeah I might watch Moonlight Resonance for like a 100th time now because I just adore this drama so much. It will always be in my tvb top 5. So many emotions so many memories while watching that drama. Well I guess it's everyone's top 5. I've cried and laughed so much anyway. I had nothing to talk about because I didn't feel like studying for a short moment and listening to those songs made me want to write this thing down.

I guess nobody will be sleeping tonight, studying time :) i mean :( but you know I'm just trying to be positive somehow

it sucks to know that everything will soon end...

i'm addicted to internet shopping. got to find me some heels and maybe a cute little clutch bag

stuff i have to do

• be more healthy, eat fruits, drink more water, no more junkfood
• stop procrastinating 
• cut off a little tumblr, youtube time because I'm an addict
• do more skincare
• buy a good foundation and concealer for my dry skin
• take care of myself
• try not to dye my hair again and buy masks for them
• BUY SOME CHRISTMAS SHITS TO GET US INTO A SORT OF CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
• buy gifts for my family
• have some time for myself
• do some (a lot) of shopping
• buy books <3
• clean my room
• search for my boots
• buy some make up
• buy some socks ahaaha

anyway so many things to do and so little time

starting from today, no more junkfood! i have to eat healthy. no more mcdonalds, no more pizza. maybe some sushi but it has rice so better cut it off. i'm seriously on a diet. no more distraction just doing my thing. i have to lose weight. i have to healthy so i won't be sick again. i'm doing this for me and my health. i better have some motivation. i'll try to walk every morning but some times i'm just being lazy and it's getting cold. i might walk during winter as well if it's not too cold but i hate winter so yeah.

omg im so hungry , I haven't eaten my supper yet and I don't plan on eating it. I think I have to stick on healthy food but still I might gain weight. My dark circles are so bad T__T My hair is so short :(
Okay quit complaining wuwu! Can't believe I am talking to myself but yeah long day. Tired day. As always dreams to me and let's hope I'll dream of something good tonight

I hate having dark circles T__T
I kind of like this type of eye make up. I look "fall ready" even though winter is coming up. Can't wait for christmas! At least I can back off of reality for at least two weeks. I can read my books, shopping, go out with friends, eat eat eat and forget about everything. I will like to go karaoke. I think that is the best place to go when I feel like relaxing. Drink bubble tea like a real asian because I'm tired of starbucks. Eat american food or other kind of not asian food because i'm tired of eating chinese, sushi or korean bbq. Maybe some thai food will make me happy :) Spend time with my family especially my sister because she's going through her friend's death. I think I'll buy her some treat tomorrow because she deserves it. I feel bad for her. I have to stop complaining about my shit really it's not worth it and also what is going change anyway.

Tonight so many things happen. Actually good and bad things. I had the chance to reunited with my childhood best friends that I love the most <3 I missed them so much like crazy. Can't believe it's been 11 years we've known each other!! And the bad new is I know that I haven't moved on yet. I still have strong feelings for him. Some times I can't explain why I love him that much. What did he do to me? But I fell for him badly. I mean madly. He's so gorgeous, I just couldn't take my eyes off him. I love him and I know I have to stop this because it's not worth it. I've never been this broken before. I can't let myself talk to him. My world will collapse. I want to erase him. I don't want to talk about him but why. Why. Why. Why. I've questionnes myself before. What did he do to me to hurt me so bad? Maybe because I know that I can't be with him. We're not meant to be together. My one sided love is all for nothing. I'm just fooling and hurting myself to a point that I can't feel anything. I'm too used to feel this way that nothig can reach. Nobody can help because I've already fallen too hard and it's already too late to catch me. Love hurts. I hate this feeling. At the same time he's the only that can make my heart melt but also can break into thousand pieces. Anyway fuck this shit. I'm just really stupid...

What an awesome fashion, I'm so proud of the girls. I can't believe it's already over. They have put so much effort on it and it was wonderful. The models, performers, mc's and behind the scene were just amazing. It really touched me and it was just amazing. I love it! What a night! So proud of them all <3333
So tired and sicl but it was all worth it.

Last week, no make up day
Seriously I've been breaking out like crazy. Because of my cold my skin is red and I look like a monster

Somewhere in the road. I just wanted to stop there and rest for a while. I think I'm done with all those shits I'm putting myself into. What it's not meant to be should be clear to me and I really have to fucking move on. I'm rude but it's true, I'm an idiot. And yet ..

I really hope that my sister is going to be alright. Her life has always been so tought. She doesn't deserve all this. Why life is so unfair to her. Happy birthday to my lovely sister. I hope her all the best and that she stays happy every day. I know it's a rought time now but tomorrow will be a better day!

:'(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I miss you. So much that it hurts. I know that I had said a countless time that I'd moved on but I'm ony lying to myself. But why can't I? You don't give a shit about me. If you did, you would've bother to talk to me.

i wonder if i'd ever crossed your mind..

if only i can hug him for a very last time..

Sick....

Can I die already

I wonder if you had kept our picture took together

I don't deserve my family to love me. I really don't.........

Had amazing time at my twinnie's birthday party, happy birthday baby girl <3

hlf is killing me :(

Reminiscing.

Somehow he's the only guy which undersands me the most and also the only one who I haven't fallen for yet. To be honest he's really handsome but I just don't feel this attraction towards him. Any girl should be the luckiest girl in the whole wide world if they have someone like him. He's funny, sweet, smart, understanding. Well a perfect so called "bad" boy that has a heart of gold. I really he can truly find his happiness. Really I'll be really hurt for him if he doesn't. He deserves the best thing and I hope he'd finally find her. Because seeing so madly in love wih the wrong girl wasn't just right. Because obviously she was only using him and you know that sucks cus I know how it feels sometimes. I don't know why I wanted to talk about him in here today but you know it hit me when he asked me earlier if I was hurt. I don't know but I froze somehow. I guess he saw it through my eyes. Therr were no words said but I think we understood each other.

Somebody kill me

hlf, monde, english, economie
seriously it's killing me.

When I see the tissues on my bed, I still remember how I always cry myself to sleep. But I guess it's getting better now. I just closed my eyes at night and I pass out because I don't want to think. Think about everything because I know that I will not handle my tears to fall. But then again, it doesn't matter anymore.

You're not worth it.

I cant wait to be done with high school.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about me like I do. Do you know how I am broken because of you. I don't even recognize myself in some times. I don't know what I've became but because of you I am a better me. I try to love myself more because of the pain I feel because of you. Ironic right? And to think that you have no idea about everything..

I have to thank everyone that wished me a happy birthday, it really warms my heart because they took the type to write it on my facebook wall or say it to me. Especially my sister's ex boyfriend. He was like a brother to me and I've known him for so long and it really sucks that we can't see each other anymore because they broke up. Receiving a message from him did made me want to cry. I hope that everything is okay with him and that he can find his true happiness because he is such a great guy and he deserves it! I'd so much fun yesterday at school even though I saw a black cat when I was walking towards school. I was suppose to have an oral but didn't (YEES). I find it really awkward when people sing a happy birthday song to you because I don't know what to do and I always end up looking lost and shy ahaha. At night, I had a dinner korean bbq with some friends an it was realy fun as always because they're really funny. Maybe some of them I don't see as often but we always have a good time when we are together do those are moments that I have to cherish. Anyway that was pretty much it. I bought a new lipstick and I love it even though my family don't seem to like it.. It doesnt matter to me hihi :)

Omg just shut up already

How can it be possible that I still love him. I can't find someone better than him I guess but fuck why. Why can't just fucking move on god! Because seriously my mind tells me to let go for a long time but my fucking heart is still holding on to him. Love is stupid. I don't this fucking crap. It will be almost two years that I fucking love him serisouly I am idiot but at the same time I can't blame myself because I'm not trying hard to look for someone. What's the point anyway? At the day this person is going to hurt you and it will juste repeat history itself.

cant wait to see my best friends in two weeks, i missed them so much! cant wait to catch on with them :)

I really do miss my childhood best friends. I can't believe I'm still really good friends with my first childhood best friend. The first girl I have ever talked to. A shy girl with short hair and always likes to wear yellow when she was younger has turned into this super hot and sweet Asian girl. She's the nicest girl ever if you meet her. We've spent wonderful summers together. We've actually reconnected during an English summer class and she actually remember me. That was awesome really. After that, we started talking to each other again even though we barely know a thing about each other because we were so young back then. Still, it turns out we are now super good friend and she's one of my favorite girls. Thank you God for giving me a second chance to meet her again! Also, I can't believe I reconnected with my second childhood best friend. I ran into her when I was eating with my grandpa. It's the first time in 9 years that we've talked since she moved to China. I'm glad that she came back. It was awkward but it was understandable for both of us to feel that way. She's stunning, she's really gorgeous and somehow I wish we can go back the way we were like when we were little kids. Playing in the pool, inventing a little castle in my room and doing lots of fun stuff together. Crushing on the boy. She was like my sister and her departure torn me apart.I really miss her! I will never forget my best friend forever and ever, that I've known for 11 years now. She's the best thing that have ever happened to me. She's funny, beautiful, smart. A wonderful best friend that a girl can ever have. I will always remember the first that she came to my house and we bought a slush in Couche-tard. The color looked disguting and we taped it in my webcam. Seriously I'VE LOST THOSE VIDEOS :( But they will always be in my mind because I've watched them for more than a hundred time and I will always tell her how silly we were when we were 7 years old. I will always remember every memory that we have together because they were the best thing ever to me. Funny moments, sad moments and also angry moments. I will always cherish them. 11 years isn't just a small number but I know that we have forever to make together because I don't want to lose this precious girl ever. OF course if there's her, there's another her. I've known her the same day I've known S. C is the bomb. She's hot and also she's pretty violented when you mess with her. But she's my home girl so I guess she won't beat me up. Also like S, she's funny, intelligent and a wonderful friend that a girl can ever have. I really miss her and I don't see her as often as I want but everytime we get together with S, we are just like we were back in the days. I miss them so much. I also really miss this other good friend. Can't believe we've known each other for 7 years. It was on a random class that my mother have signed me up for. I guess she was the only girl I wanted to talk to. She was like the perfect girl to me. We've then, started off our friendship during that summer that I will never forget. We have done so many silly things together. I will always remember why I was so skinny back then ahaha because of her of course. We went to the pool almost everyday and we stayed there for at least 2 hours. Just playing around and inventing games. Also when we were at her house and playing with her brothers in the dark by throwing at each other peels of oranges and after that, her mom was so angry that she made us cleaning it up. We were so closed back then. What happened to us? Like her mom was practically my mom. Seriously I've pushed so many people away from me. I don't know why but there's just a problem with me. But really I have to cherish so many of them because I don't want to lose any single of them. I'm scared to get hurt but I already am so why not take this chance and make it happen. Trust them with all your heart. That's what you have to do sometimes in life. Because they have made the person I am now and I'm glad they've entered my life. <333

Tonight, I talked on the phone with my best friend for at least 3 hours. I miss her so much. I really do miss her. Even though it's been months and months we haven't talked and seen each other, I know that deep down we're always going to be best friend. She's the reason why I still believe in friendship. I've known her forever and it sucks that she lives so far away from me. We don't go to the same high school. I'm such a bad friend seriously. I don't deserve someone as wonderful as her. I love her so much! 

Cant sleep but still, emptyness is comsuming me...

Re-reading our old conversation and wishing we can go back the way we were at that moment..

I feel like restarting a brand new life.

你愛我，我愛他，他愛她，她愛他

我還歡喜他..everyday i think of the chance that i could have with him but wasn't bold enough to try harder.

I'm thankful for those that stayed all along <3

Is it normal for someone to always cry until they fall asleep. I hate this stage of my life, seriously I hate it! Why am I feeling this sad? What is causing all this unknown pain?

You know sometimes, some people are just not that worthy to fight for

Busiest night @ work, pratically dying

The future does frighten me a little bit. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going into the right direction and I feel scared of failing. Right now, it's like I'm traveling a dark tunnel and I can't help myself of being terrified.

Broken is what I can describe of what I'm feeling right now.

I hate crying myself to sleep but sometimes it's also a relief for me. At least I know that tomorrow is a better day!

Finally , I can sleep without worries.. what a freaking week

Why do I still hope for something to happen? Why do I still care? Why can't I just fucking erase this boy.....

To be honest, I don't know what I've became lately.. I love who I am but the fact that I say that I'm happy seem like a lie. I don't really believe in such a thing called happiness because somewhere in the road, there are things that will destroy it. I mean being happy without all those thing. Have I succeed? I think my happiness comes from maturity I believe. I don't believe in love, friendship, trust. Those were the thing that made who I was but as time went on, it's like all those things have disapear from my point of view. As for love, I can my expectations are too high and unable for someone to reach. I guess it's my fault. Love, I don't believe when it comes to me. People can't commit, people are too selfish, people want to be in a relationship just to be in one. It sucks because love/being in a relationship has lost its meaning. I'm scared to be someone that is only looking for a label because to me, labels don't matter much. It is the feeling that does. It's the happily ever after that might last. It's a silly girl's dream but still... It's what I want. But I don't believe in it anymore. I've became dark in some way. No more feeling for anyone.. Well for those that matters to me. As for friends, I guess in life, you only have few that do matter. Those people are your real friends. Those that will stick around no matter what. It doesn't matter the amount of time that you guys have spend together but it's the memories and the feeling that you both shared that matters. I have lost trust in people but for the friends out there that are trustworthy... Hopefully they won't disapoint me. I don't want to be more broken than what I am.
I feel broken somehow, empty. I hate this feeling but I just have to suck it up and move on and live life...

I'm so in love with dark colors, so in love with fall also <3
My favorite season is coming up and I still haven't bought my steven madden boots that I wanted for a long time, -tears- okay I have to go back to studying like a nerd o-o that was supposed to be glasses ahaha :) okay I'm laughing alone, how pathetic

what if we've already met the right person but too scared to fall in love

life is all about taking chances

I wonder if people do read my "daily" diary even though I barely write on it. I'm lazy...... I prefer tumblr you know :)

Really tired, right now I'm in starbucks drinking my hot chocolate hehe :) I wanted a the caramel moka but I want to take a nap when I go back home so I guess I'll pass. I went to the library today because I had to find some books for our project. Lucky me but yeah I got the chance to go out so I guess there is a good thing about it. Even though I am a little bit exhausted... I haven't slept properly (like everyday) yesterday.. I don't know what's going on lately but I look like I am a little bit depressed even though I am not. Maybe because of my black hair or that I'm just not feeling well. I think it's going to pass so yeah hopefully it will. A lot of project, a little bit exciting because some of them are fun to do. I think I pretty much enjoy school so far :) Loving our economy course , for real it's amazing! Everyday I learn something new and I feel smart ahaha . Anyway going back to my homework so that I can sleep in the subway and take a nap or I might just sleep really early today. 14 HOURS OF SLEEP ? WHY NOT
NOP I guess I am not depressed after all because SLEEPING makes me happy.

CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE HERE.

watching vampire diaries hehe :) stephan and damon are so hot.. elena is freeaking lucky bitchacho

I hate being confused by my own feelings..

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I'd chased after you or talked to you even more. As I look at you, I can picture us together. We might be really happy. What didn't I make this effort? I mean you didn't make any so would I. Sometimes it sucks to realize that you've put so many efforts into someone and they give nothing in return. Maybe that was what I felt towards you. I felt like everytime I talk to you well I am bothering you. You didn't want to talk to me, you found me annoying. That's why I've distanced myself but what if... What if I MEAN what if. We will never know because I've lost the motivation ..

Sometimes I wish I could have done some things, sometimes I regret of doing some of them but at the end of the day I am who I am and I can't change that. Sometimes I wish I could have just walk to him and just talk to him but something is holding me back. Maybe pain? Or maybe the fact that it won't change anything whether I go or not..

Life has its own ups and downs and even though things aren't great as they seems there's always going to be a better day. Sometimes we wish that certain things changed for the best but we have to accept that it's what life gave us that matters. Cherish the little thing and enjoy every piece of it like a delicious red velvet cake. It's hard.. but it's worth it.

I've just realized that I can't do my homework at home because I always get distracted by everything so now I do my homework at the library near my house. Seriously seeing people working makes you feel like doing it to. So it helped me doing all my homework and listening to music at the same time and nobody can bother me. I guess today I've stayed until 5pm and picked up something to drink a Mcdo because I was too thirsty and walked home afterwards. What a simple day but I really have to share something today. I HATE stairs. Seriously I hate stairs. Maybe because I am lazy or my cardio is just terrible but seriously I hate them. I always end up breathless and cranky after that. I might go to sleep early tonight... No more 1 am for me.
Anyway I have to find some article/books on a document that our french teacher gave us. Seriously I am tired of school and starting chinese school on saturday.. HOW GREAT

I want a baby brother :(

What if it turns out to be something that I don't want. I don't want to lose you. I'm scared.. I act heartless sometimes but it's not to hurt you really it's not. You mean so much to mean but I just can't picture us together because maybe we're so comfortable right now. I know I might be a selfish because I want you all to myself but you are not mine and I can't act like this. It's either you or I take action or we have to stay this way. I don't want to lose my freedom but I want you. How can I be so selfish? I want you but I don't want to be with you. My selfish reasons are I don't want to get hurt, I want to maintain this lifestyle.. I have to make a choice. People tease us and I find it funny because really I want us to be more and I wonder if you feel the same way too. No matter what, you will always make me happy with your embrace, with your cute smile and your adorable voice. Everything about you just makes me happy..

I've learned how to ride a bike today. Seriously I felt like a kid again and all my worries were suddenly gone. I really have to thank my friends for teaching me. They are the cutest couple ever and they are inspiration for couples and for true love these days. I wish them all the best <3

Super happy today but it's monday so that means that tomorrow is school day :( But it's okay, at least I had fun today. So I went to chinatown to order the cake for my grandpa's birthday with my friend. We walked around in chinatown and I bought a new Iphone case, super cute because it's minnie mouse. Currently, I'm loving this little mousyy hehe (; So after we went to drink bubble tea like real asians while waiting for our guy friend to come. After we went to hotpot, and gosh it was good. But at the end we were so full that we felt sick a little bit. We walked around and I proposed to go to Chapters because I wanted to find new books to read even though I've already bought 5 books. Currently reading Crescendo, Divergent, This is a book, a book about facts and Wings. SO today I decided to buy Vampire Diaries because I wanted to watch the show but before that I want to read the books and compare them. I didn't get the chance to do that with Pretty little liars so before watching Vampire Diaries I have to read it first! Also I've realized that I never read Twilight, what a shame! Harry Potter too! WHAT DID I DO DURING MY TEENAGER LIFE?!? I have to catch on because they're so many books that I want to read but so little time. Seriously, I'm craving for books. Just loving the fact that I can be a whole other world while reading <3 That's the best feeling. It sucks that people are surprised that I read.. they judge by appearances...

Fuck my life, I mean fuck thank god I'm still alive or whatever. I just woke up from a terrible terrible nightmare. This has to be the worst nightmare ever like I have ever had in my entire life. I know how people feel now, those girls that want to commit suicide. At least I haven't been...but I almost did but even so I can't remove those images from my head. I was shaking when I woke up and still those images are still haunting me. I'm scared and just like the dream, I couldn't tell anyone because I was scared. What the hell, what was wrong with me to dream something about this...

Tired, offically my first day of school and I am tired as hell. Wake up early and I am not used to it. Good part is school has taking off a lot of things from my mind so I am sort of happy. FIGHTING! This year will be hard but we have to sacrifice some of  our interests to be able to succeed in life.

Why am I feeling so unhappy right now. I'm trying to smile but I just can't...

Starting school tmr and bleuh I really dont feel like it. Lately, Ive been going crazy about books. I loe reading seriously but the sad part is that I always fell for the main character guy in the book. They are just too perfect and I want someone like them that loves me. But I always need to remind myself that it's a book. Anyway I hate to go to sleep, going to school tomorrow :(

Always Happy Thoughts Happy Thoughts

I have to be positive !

I can't eat these days... I just really can't. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in depression or it's just that I have a health problem. I can't do this anymore. I can't fake anymore, I'm not happy... Even though I try so hard to be. Really I did, I did try my best to smile and reassure the people around me but I can't anymore. Summer is over and it's back to reality. I can't dream anymore, I have to face so many obstacles. I'm just broken and nobody can ever help me.

Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.

Sometimes what I really want is for everything to work out for once ..

Re-reading old birthday card and I could helped but shed tears.. I just want hug them really tight those that stayed. I dont want anything to change. This year was really hard for me, like almost everything. Ive changed into something that I dont like. I have to cherish those people because they mean a lot to me. I cant take back what Id said but if God gives me a second chance, I wont blow it this time. I hope that the people Ive hurted will eventually forgive me because even me myself, dont want to because Im a horrible person..

Do more, care more and love more. Key to happiness

What if the person you really really like and have a huge crush on is already taken. I don't know but it's been a while since my heart hasn't beaten so fast for someone. He made me forget the pain that I had before. He changed me somehow. Even though we barely know each other, he taught me a lot. To know that he's already happy with someone does hurt me but he helped me finding the real me. What I am. I mean to him I might be silly but no I am not. I know that I'm a kind of person that really likes to have fun and just live my life the fullest and also smile as much as I can. When I look at this person, I see someone really mature and when I look back at myself, I see someone that just wants to be a kid again. I know what I want now and thanks to him, I'm free again. Starting a new me, that's going to be a great adventure. I wish him all the best and also a lot happiness. If there's any chances that we meet again, I'll be glad to be friends with him..

Worked all day and I'm exhausted. Customers were so rude today and I was a little bit pissed off but it's alright. I just came back from work and I heard that my grandpa is sick :( I hope he's okay and I felt bad that tomorrow I won't be going to the doctor with him!! All I wish is that my grandparents to be healthy and happy <333333 Anyway that was my day. My summer is so far really good but you know there are some ups and downs but right now it's stable.

It is already 5:30 in the morning but yeah I just wanted to write this down before I forget ahaha, still havent sleep a bit and I have to work at 11am until 22h30 wow kill me. Ive just realized that Ive found someone that I really really like but Ive just never realized before reading a note. It said that you two fight like a married couple, flirt like first love, care for each other as brother and sister so it's meant to be! Are we? Does he feel the same? Do I even feel something for him? Am I ready to be in a relationship? Those are some questions that hunted for a while but Ive just never said it out loud but it was there all along without me realizing their presences. I wish that one day I can clear those answer with right ones. Right now I feel empty and it sucks because I'm nor happy nor sad nor mad, I am empty like a bottle of water without it liquid. Lame... Anyway goodnight I mean good morning C:

I feel empty lately I don't know why..

I promised myself that I'll have the best summer ever but I end up doing SLEEPING

You know that feeling when you look at the person when you used to like during your childhood. I don't know how to describe this feeling but it feels great. It just reminds me that I've grown a lot as a person. You will always have this sort of soft spot around this person. Not that I still like him but you know it was my childhood sort of first like like. It just reminds me of my boyfriend in kinder garden. I lost my first kiss on the cheek to him. I had a lot of not real relationship during my childhood and almost teenager stage. I've never really been in a relationship with someone since then. Maybe because I excepted too much from people and we always end up things in the talking stage. When I think about it, my childhood was just filled with great memories. But back to the topic that I don't know what it was. I just think that right now, I am not looking for a relationship because it just doesn't last. People fall too fast and end the relationship too fast. Most people I know are not serious and I want to find someone that is ready to deal with someone like me. Someone that's ready to have a commitment and all the shit. Most of all, I want someone that can make me laugh. I have to admit that I'm a pretty much depress person. I need to laugh because without laughter, there's not a reason for me to be happy. To me, being in love is not the priority of the relationship but it's to be happy with each other. To start a relationship with someone, you have to be friends with this person. I think that everybody wants to have this sort of a best friend relationship and yes I want that too. Today I just felt like writing this down I don't know why.. maybe because it's been a long time since I haven't really writing stuff

When you find someone that you really connect with and you're having a good time. You two are in the talking stage but don't want to move further. Maybe both of you are not ready or maybe you two are just meant to be friends but at the end of the day, you two are really happy together.

Today was amazing! We went paintball today and it was really fun. I really enjoy spending time with my friends, they are so funny and we always end up having a blast. At first, I waited for an hour with an old friend, it was really fun to talk to him again because we kind of lost contact with each other. I'm so happy that he's okay and he's back to "normal" again. We saw a lot of subway passing by and we decided to go upstairs to see if they were there. The funny part, they'd waited an hour also but I didn't have any signal so we end up laughing about that. We played two games me and my girlfriend because we were too scared. Really it was an amazing experience because it's really different playing that and playing call of duty. Seriously I was really scared. We talked a lot today and we went eating Tim at 11pm. We watched tvb drama at my girlfriend's house and it was fun and relaxing.
Those are the friends that you can called even twenty years later and still the friendship lasts <3
Tomorrow spending time with wifeeey and eating after we shi and jenn

It doesn't pissed me off anymore because I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to say whatever I want to say, I'm going to walk away because I hate this feeling I'm having right now. For one time, I'm going to be selfish for myself because why do I always have to care for others before myself. Why it is me that gets hurt in the end because I don't want others to be. Why am I putting myself through this if I know that to be happy, I have to be selfish. Seriously, why should I care if I hurt you because all you did was hurting me. I thought I meant something but whatever man, you give but you never receive but it's okay. You got used by someone but at the end that person gets mad at you. What the fuck is wrong in this world. I don't need this what the hell. I knew that you were two faces before but whatever I am done and happy. Seriously, at least have a pretty personality because I am the one that should be mad. You asked for it, whatever from now on you go your way I go mine. Fuck that, you can't be always nice because in the people they are going to back stabbed you. I'd been used once and now twice.. there won't be a third. You know, you'd given your all but in the end you get nothing. It's like giving your life for someone but in the end you get a slap on your face because you'd asked for it, nobody told you to give your life idiot.
Whatever, I'm not mad anymore because I am not the only who thinks that you are selfish so don't judge other people because at night, I think that you know who you really are. I may be a bitch but at least I admit it not like some people. I'm thankful for so many people that still stick with me until the end, I love them so much <3 It's going to be a great summer because I have them and fuck everything else.
It's either you change or don't ever talk to me because I don't want to waste any more time with people like you.

Going paintball tomorrow wouhouu :)

Selfish little bitches really pissed me off. Too bad I don't need them anymore.. At least there are still few ones that are still there for me, thank you

Sometimes we just need someone that can make you smile. Someone that will find a way o make you laugh. Someone that can tease you but will apologize in the end. It's great when you find someone like that...

Last night, I dreamed of them two. I don't understand why they have to appear one another. The funny part is I was in love with the new love instead of the old one. Both of them were so perfect but I can only choose one. I wish I can go back to that dream. I think I know who to choose if I have to one day. But a dream is a dream, it doesn't mean that in real life it's going to be the same. But it looked so realistic ..

These past few years I've gained so much weight seriously it's true. I'm really fat compare to before and this summer I have already set my goal. To be skinny but healthy. I'll still eat food but a little less, drink a lot of water and tea. Go to gym especially swimming. For real, next year is prom and I don't want to mess it up because of my laziness. FIGHTING

Lately I've been going out so much with my friends that I've put aside my asian drama. So starting today it will be hardcore drama and also I've to clean up my room because stores are all closed..

Trust no one, that's it.

I feel bad that I had to keep so much to myself because these days I can't really trust people anymore. Not that I don't trust them but they are still a lot of things that are still inside me and ready to explode. I guess I was wrong about trusting them. This year I have regretted like making my friend cried, I guess that I wasn't a really good friend after all, I've never really felt good after her special day. I tried to fix it sometimes I wish I can go back in time and be with her on her special day like she did for me. She had done so much for me and I'm thankful for that.. I just wish her to be happy from now on because she deserves it! I want the people around me to be happy, especially the ones that I care. I have regretted so many things that can't be change anymore. Thinking about it, I was really stupid. I'm sorry for those that I'd hurted and that is why I want to improve as a person. Being more mature but still super fun to hang with because hey, my "funess" is giving by nature itself. Forget the pain that people caused to you is the goal I'm trying to achieve -fighting-

So today I chilled with my wifey today and it was super fun like every time we went out. I don't know but I'd said to her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and all and those stuff were true. I think that most people these days get into relationship so fast that it doesn't mean anything to them because in their mind, they want to have someone and to be loved. I guess we don't have the same priorities because to me, I want to be in relationship because I like/love that person. And that person has to be my friend and all. I don't know I felt like talking about what I want because I'd never really thought before. Right now, I guess I really am not capable of handling a relationship because I don't know what I am searching for. To me, to find someone I really connect with is to stop searching, stop hoping. I want to start to live myself first before loving someone else. I had put myself in quit some shits and it didn't feel good, I always put myself down because I feel like I'm not good enought for anybody. I had never loved myself because I never ever did. Why? I don't know. How can somebody likes/loves me if your own self doesn't even love you. That's fucked up. To be honest, I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship because I'm still trenager and the idea of true love no longer exist in my vocabulary. There isn't for me that's for sure. I respect those that are willing to try because they had been through so much and now they are finally happy and I'm happy. I had been worrying about some people, worrying that they won't move on but I'm happy to find out they did. -tears of joys- But there are also those people that had lost my respect because seriously, you don't need to rush into things just let things work out work out with time but I always have to rrmond myself that this is none of my business but it doesn't mean I really what they are doing. As long as you don't bother me with your little problems then that's super fine. Anyway so today I watched the lucky one with wifey and you know it was really sweet because it just encourage me to wait for the lucky one that will save me. Vut right now, I have to save myself and to love myself because it helps me grow as a person. I want to be a mature fine lady and when this day comes then I'll take about boys and stuff.. Drama and problem here we go again

Lately I've een really mad because of some stupid people. I felt used and I hate being someone's toy like seriously fuck you. I'm still mad but you know it's summer and it is time no have fun. I don't want my summer to be ruin by thosr people that arr just not worth it anymore, I'm done because I'd been betrayed before and I don't want a third time. I'm so happy to be able to volunteer to watch over childrens. They're so adorable and it's just really fun to be able to play with them, they made my day and I just livr them so much. Today I went to the movie theater with some old friends, I missed them really much, they really make me stronger and they make me believe that true friendship does exist. Even though we barely see each other, we always end up having a blast ahaha! Today was just awesome, I can't wait to be able to hang out more with them. Our quebecois left early to see his date so he couldn't discuss with us of how we met. It's just so strange how I got closed to them, it just sort of happened itself but those are the best friendship with people seriouly, anyway going to sleep because I'm tired night night <3

So yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop with some of my friends and after I felt someone taping my shoulder and by surprise, it was my childhood best friend. Lately I've thinking about her and how closed we used to be. She and another girl are my childhood best friend and in my heart, they still are. We had an argument before and I didn't know why but it turns out to be okay afterwards. I missed her and it made me realized how I miss the people in my past. It's really fun to be able to see your old friends again. She made me really happy just by being there. She didn't change at all and we talked like we never really were apart even though it's been almost a year since we haven't talk. Next Wednesday I'll be hanging out with some old friends of mine, it's so funny that just like that we're going to have a hang out. For real, with them, it was really fun and I was being myself. Even though we had met in a English course, we became such good friends. After four years, we still talk and hang out. I can't wait to see them. I miss being with friends like that. How comfortable I am when I'm with those type of friends. No drama, no bullshit, no lies.. no nothing that will make me unhappy. I really need to reconnect with those people that were in my past because I was stupid for letting them go..

Webcaming with viviane and I'm so hungry

I can't wait for this summer! Seriously I need to do a lot things. I need to exercise more, sing more and learn the guitar. I have to dye my hair and I have to buy a lot of clothes and shorts. I have to buy shoes. I have to live my life as a teenager. I have to spend time with people that are worth it! 

not a good day, if tomorrow is okay then everything will be alright

Real friends

Sometimes living in the past is not always a bad things. I guess that I've just realized how much I miss my old friends. It really made my day talking to them because we shared lots of great memories before. Sometimes I really wish I can rewind to the past because everything was so much easier. Talking about old times made me realized that I had lost a lot of people in my life. As I grow older, I know that there are some people that won't be in my life anymore and I won't care because it's a part of life but there are still those that even if you haven't talk for so long, you'll always maintain friends because the bond that you shared with them was strong enough to last. It's hard to believe that the people that you thought you will never let go of are now not that important to you because they don't consider you as their real friends. It's sad but at the same I've learned that you can't always trust people and that in life, friends come and go. I've learned that they are only some people in your life that you can really really trust. I know I have found them because one hand is already enought if I have to count them which two of them are the ones I trust the most and tell everything to. Lately they had help me so much even though I thought that could handle it myself but it feels good to pour yourself to the people you trust because you know they won't backstabbed you like most "friends" do..anyway going to sleep now!

you know that I'm scared

I really have to thank my family for taking care of me during this long week of fever-ing and coughing. It still has to go on but I just feel so bad because I've put them into so much trouble. Especially when I cough because they can't really do anything except letting me sleep and giving me water. Seeing them taking care of me just melt my heart. I loved when my grandma was putting on some chinese herb thingy on my back, I've notice that she got so much older because of her dry wrinkly hands :( I couldn't help but to shed a tear because after all those years, she had taking care of me with my grandpa and because of my bad temper sometimes well I ruin things. I've regretted so many things. I'm not a good grandchild. I love my grandparents so much and that the thought of losing them will really really tear me apart. I have to cherish them everyday because I'm scared that one day they will leave me.

I hate those dreams about him. Because every time I wake up, I still love him but I have to remind myself that dreams will never be reality and I have to wake up. I know who has always been there for me and who I deserve to love because that person is worth it unlike him.

I'm so tired and I can't  believe I'll be having two exams tomorrow. Math and Science, please kill me already! I skipped the afternoon so that I can study on my own. Can't stay at home because I'll be lazy, can't go to downtown because it will be a distract and beside I don't think I'll be going there because yesterday was bad.. Anyway I have to go back to work *fighting*

I finally have the courage to move on. I think the problem was, I was scared. I got so used to that person that it was really for me to move on. I guess it's true that it is hard to move on from someone that once met the world to you. I'm sick of hearing myself telling people that I had moved on even though I knew that it wasn't true. But as time went by, I've finally decided to not love him anymore. I'm sick of it! I know there won't be an "us" so why should I waste more time. I know I can't be with him. Why did I spend more than a year loving him. It wasn't a waste of time because I had great memories. It's time for me to move on for good and smile to the world. Hopefully tomorrow's weather won't be a little bitch because I want to walk to school. Breath some fresh air and start a new day.
I was lost but I found what I was looking for, say hello say hello to a new day. This song has followed me since my first real heartbreak, and it still does, thank you <3

I'm done dreaming , it's time to go back to reality ..

It's weird not putting make up on.

It's really sad for me to realize that I can only count and trust few of my friends. I've learned to not trust that much people. I'm really grateful that I've meant so many new friends this year because they really are good friends. I can count on them even though we barely know each other but some that I've knew for quit long are no longer that closed to me. It's sad to say but it's the truth. I'm okay with it because friends come and go and that's life. Anyway, even though I've lost some of good friends but I've gained many that are there to stay for a bit longer.. I  hate those "friends" that say that you are so important to them but at the end of the day they don't really trust that much. It's sad that you tell everything to them but they don't do the same thing.. Like seriously I can't stay those people. If we are friends then we should actually trust each other? I guess not. It's fine because I can still count on few good and true friends that have been there for so long. Even though we barely see each other we know that this bond that we have will never break. I knew from the start that we were going to become good friends. They are not my best friends but they are my good and true friends. In teenager stage, we don't have really meet someone that's your best friend. In elementary school, yes maybe you'll fine a best friend like me. I've known my best friend for almost 11 years, sometimes I don't really contact her because I've so many work to do and I forget but at the end of the day she's my best friend and I know she'll understand me. Some other good friends of mine, even though we don't see each other that often, we are good friends. But there are also those friends that are fake and they just considered you as a replacement. When they don't need you well they'll ignore you. Fuck that, I don't need this. That's why I don't trust anymore.. why should I trust some fake people that will leave you later on.. Sick of this. That's why.. no more trusting

Friends come and go, I've just learned to stop trusting people

So today when I got back from a long day of school, I'd watched so tv and decided to take a nap  because I was really tired. I can honestly say that everytime I sleep, I end up dreaming about something random. Guess what I dreamed about.. a nightmare. I don't know why I still keep dreaming of him.. why? Why he has to be so perfect in my dreams but a total jerk in real life.. I really really hate it, I don't want to fall for a person that I create in my dreams because in real life he's the total opposite. I mean he used to be a good guy, a guy which I fell in love with but now, I don't even know him anymore.. I hate him, I really do hate him. why don't we have a delete button so that I can delete all the memories we had and pretend we've never meant, Why..

Life's too short to have regret. I've been searching for so long and the ones I'd found weren't worth my time. The day I stopped looking for someone, you came around and made everything perfect. I hope you are the one because to me you are irreplaceable and I don't want to lose you <3

I haven't laugh so much in one day since a long time ago.. I guess today was really fun. It was shi's birthday and I was kind of stressing out because of the bus and so but when we arrived at Tien's house well we had a blast! We went t the pool and all but the guys were always throwing me at the water omg .. I think I'll be sick for sure
It was an awesome night.. loved it! xox

He's cute, he's funny, he's everything I want <3
The problem is I'm not reading yet..

So today I did my math exam and it was alright. Today was pretty much stressful because I had to do a debate assignment and it is super long. I think I'm going to stay up all night to finish it. I might skip tomorrow's first period because it's a lot of presentation so I can do my work. But of course my asian mom is going to scream at me for missing class even though you don't do anything. Sigh, I have to live with her
Anyway I'm happy and all. Maybe because I know that I didn't quite moved on of some people. I want to get close to them all over again but FATE DOESN'T LET ME. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I'm such a bad person.. how can I like so many people at the same time.. It just pissed me off. How can I torture myself like that. WHY WHY WHY.. I don't know. If I can combine the things I like about them all-together, I'll find the love of my life for sure. I'm so funny.. that will never happen unless someone has them all

Lately I'm trying a lot of product in my hair to make it grow faster! FIGHTING! It's almost summer and I need long hair. I'm not sure if I'm going to add some brown and blond highlight on yet. Also, I'm trying to get my freaking Iphone because my cellphone is not working anymore.. I CAN'T EVEN TEXT OR HEAR A FREAKING CALL FROM SOMEONE.. how sad.. and a lot of argument with mommy because of that. Anyway it's alright, I paid for everything so that's fine. I owe so much money to everyone but they don't mind. My new closet is almost done so I need new summer clothes and shoes in it. I need to buy my micheal kors watch and also my wallet. A new pair of sunglasses, either ray b, m.k or chanel. I also need a new lense for my Nikon. New extension if my hair doesn't grow. A lot a lot of shoes for summer. A lot of shorts because I'll be going out. Sad sad life. I really need to work more to get all of it. Hopefully, my family will help me financially

So tired of studying, I want to sleep badly but I drank too much green tea and water. It doesn't help my sleeping but at least I can sleep until 7h30 and 7h35 but I don't think so
I'll be studying until that.. maybe 8 o'clock and I'll go to school because I have to find my stupid bescherelle
Composition plus a science exam, wouhou that's fuun!

Every morning, when I wake up.. I feel like I am wasting my time but you always give me a reason saying that I am not. I don't know what else can make me happier except seeing you and talking to you. Not only your hugs but the sound of your voice comfort me. I know I still haven't really move on of.. but I promise myself that if one day I really really do, well I know what to do with you. It's still hard for me to see him with her and it still hurts me so that's why I don't want to move forward with you. I want us to be friends but at the same time I want us to be more than friends but I'm scared of losing you. Right now, you are so important to me and you make my days brighter every day and I'm so thankful for that. Thank you for your presence in my life.


I can't believe I wrote that and it was almost two weeks ago.. it's crazy how things can change in only two simple week

When everything seem to be fine again, something has to always come along and ruin everything
Fuck that, I'm done trying to work things out.. there's no point

I'm really tired of crying every night because of the woman that gave birth to me. She has no right to make me sad every night and keep screaming at me.

Fuck everyone

那些年錯過的大雨..那些年錯過的愛情

我每天都想念你,事實是，我仍然愛你 但是你已經改變了。我不知道為什麼我還是想你,和你甚至不愛我。那些年的日子是我人生中最快樂的，因為我是和你在一起...

Too busy weekend, didnt have the chance to right on my blogspot but anyway nothing much happened and I was tired like almost everyday.. didnt get much sleep either.. hello dark circle! It's alright I can always cheat because we live in a world with make up.. I love you concealer and bb cream, at least you can cover some of my imperfection..
anyway im really tired goodnight!

Today I have to keep things short, I'm super tired and today was pretty awful... not saying that it was horrible but it was tiring. I hate my english teacher because he's so annoying and always doing favoritism. Anyway it was cool though.. I'm tired so I'm going to sleep... goodnight tumblr
one good thing about my day was him, seeing him just makes everything better <3
At the end of the day, he's the last thing in my mind and without him, my days wouldn't be the same

Today was alright. I'm feeling better than yersterday.. I'm a little bit tired of everything but I think I can make it through! In life, we have to stay positive and be sure to be happy. It's hard sometimes to cherish people that doesn't really care about you. But I'll to! Life is hard but it's simple at the same time, it really depends on the perspective. So yeah, today nothing really happen and there's I want to talk about my day also. Even though it was the birthday of four of my friends, what a coincidence that they are all born at the same day. I'm a bit worried about tomorrow's labo.. I've also finished my asian drama that has Kenneth Ma and Steven Ma inside, they were amazing like always. Lately, I've been watching a lot of TVB series and I stopped watching Korean and Taiwainese movie/drama. It was mostly because of On Call 36 hours that was just super super super amazing to watch! Wow, that was an amazing serie. I really miss watching good TVB series since a lot of my favorite childhood actors are leaving TVB. Those series will always be a part of me because they inspired me of being the person I am right now and also helped me to find my dream job. And also, lately, I've realize that my cantonese is not that good so I better catch up. Anyway, I'm hoping that the sequel of the TVB series that will be releasing in 2012 will be as good as the ones I used to watch 10 years ago that made my childhood. War of Beauty and the triumph in the sky <3 I don't know why I wanted to share this in my blog today but it's just a really note that I want to keep in my little blog. I hope that I can write on it everyday for at least a year, that's my goal.. Also re-reading my past post in my other blog was just hilarious, I was so funny before and also so happy. Why am I becoming such a negative person? That really sucks when you realize that you've changed into a person that you'd sweared you would never become later.. Anyway that's what I wanted to share today! Goodnight blogspot, I've to take my shower and go to bed cus I have a lot of dark circle and my bb cream is almost out.. One more thing.. lately I've been putting a lot of make up, almost everyday except on weekends. That's funny because people usually wear make up on weekends because they go out, but they don't put during school. I guess my reason is that now that I've dyed my hair in black.. I'll look horrible if I don't put make up on. I really don't like that colour sometimes because it is so fake but at the same time I find it really hot. Not because it's on me, but on everybody. I'll find it sexy but it's fake at the same time. It's alright, I'll get over it soon and hope that my hair will grow faster because summer is coming and I want long hair! Anyway, goodnight!

So today was horrible. I woke up super early this morning because i had a stomach ache because of... I was really mad at first cus I lost two hours of sleep and there was no freaking MOTRIN at home so I didnt find any so go back to bed cus I wanted to sleep a little bit cus school was going to start in two hours so I went back to bed. I woke up because my mom was screaming at me so I was like okay let's go school but my stomach ache got worst so I told her that I couldn't make it to school because it was too painful. My dad said it was fine for me to miss school and that I should go back to sleep and guess what. My mom didn't believe me so she told me to pack up my things and she'll drive me to school. Like really? Do you want your daughter to die in front of  you before you realize that she's in pain. I told that I couldn't go to school so I went back to bed. She started screaming at me and to wake me up. I can't believe she thought I was lying, I was literary crying for 30 minutes because of the pain. She gave me some of her medicine and told me to go back to school after sleeping 15 minutes. 15 minutes?!? are you really kidding me? anyway she was just being a little %?&*( this morning and not only that, I've finally realize that she never did cared about me. Sometimes I even wonder if I was really her daughter because all she does is caring about my sister so yeah I don't care.. that just proves that my relationship with her will......... anyway worst day ever

Life is getter harder day by day, so cherish the people you love and forget the ones that are not worth it because at the end of the day, they already had forgotten about you. They will ignore your presence and the fact that you once had a friendship with, it is sad to say but it's the truth... That's how sad it is.. how you two were once more than strangers..

One by one, will I find the right one?

Today's mood was okay so far. We didn't talk much today, maybe one two minutes? Not even a single hug... It's fine I'm okay with it even thought I'm not used to not hugging him. When my friend told me during lunch time if I'm still in love with that boy, I told her I didn't. She asked me how could I because I see him everyday. I told her that I've moved on and she didn't believe me. Even I, can't even believe that I don't love him anymore. I understand how she felt when I've told her. I've spent one year loving that guy and sometimes I wonder if I'd wasted my time but no I guess not because there are so many good memories that I'd spent with him. I loved him so much and there was a period of time that he meant the world for me. But day by day, I'd realized that he didn't need me at all. I wanted to move on so badly everyday I tried to, he didn't work but suddenly this past month, I've been trying to move on and to see other people. There was this other guy that I'd tried to work things out also because I'd a little bit of feeling for him also at the same time when I was loving the one I thought was my true love. Complicated right? But this past few months, one by one, I've been trying to find the right one. One by one, they disappointed me a lot... One that maybe had played my feelings, one that never responded my feeling toward him and one that I'm still figuring out if we should be together.. Why all this has to happen to me, why why why! I don't want all these drama to happen to me, I'm sick and tired. Why can't I find the right one? Why does every guy that approach me end up hurting me. I guess I'll be find single because it's alright now, I've learned my lesson a long time ago. I don't need somebody to make me happy. But I just am sick of haven't these guy giving me mixed signal so hehe :) Why don't I just give them up.. I should don't I?

It’s fine that we don’t have a label. I’m alright with it because most importantly is that I’m with you and I’m happy. I like the way we tease each other and someone we really do offend each other but at the end of the day, we know that we can’t lose each other for a silly little argument. We both make an effort for this sort of friendship to work because we know that we mean something to each other. I may be a little cranky sometimes but that doesn’t stop me from not talking to you because it wouldn’t make my day at all. I can afford to lose someone I really care, I just couldn’t take it well if I do lose you. You were for me when everything was falling apart even when it’s a simple hug, a “how are you?” or a “are you okay? ”. It does make a difference and I’m thankful for that. Thank god that I still have you. But the only problem is, I would never tell how I feel because I don’t want anything to ruin this friendship that we share. You always be my special someone in my heart <3

Just read my old blog, ahaha I was really happy back then and funny

Can't wait for everything to be over. I'm so overwhelming to finally know who are the people that are there for me and those that are just so bastard. I'm really hurt but at the same time I've learned that it is not worth it to keep those people in your life and you put them in a super high position in your heart. It's not worth it. I finally come to the point in which I know that I can't even count my true friends in one hand, that's so sad but it's the truth and it doesn't really bother me that much. I don't need fake people in my life that won't stay so why don't I just let them go and move on in my life later on. I'll be grateful for myself. It's still hurts me a lot a lot but I'll try to let go and not think about it that much just forget forget forget. I wonder who would stay until the end with me.. I still wonder

Today my mood was so so. I had chinese school and it was pretty fun like always because I like to talk a lot and I saw some old friends that I kind of miss a lot because they always made me smile in the past. It doesn't stop me from looking forward but at the same time, I want to stop there and rewind some great memories

I wish I can have a really wonderful love story with someone. Lately, I've been watching series and it made me realized that my life is simple and I need something that's more than special. I want to live a life with actions and happiness at the same time which I can think back later on in life when I'll get older. It's maybe silly to me or to everyone else but everybody dreams to have someone they love and that they can cherish beautiful moment with.
This is my thought today, and lately I've been upset with on call 36 hours, it became one of my favorite series in TVB. Not only it was super funny, but it was super interesting seeing how they save people lives and the love story was just too amazingly perfect to watch. It was a bit short but I enjoyed it very much and it made me realize that I want a love story similar to that, at least someone that will love me like how Kenneth does to Tavia. They are just the cutest couple and it's true that TVB series are much more better than Korean Drama that's for sure. Not saying that because it's my culture but at least it's realistic those series and we cried not for a silly reason like because the guy left the girl because of a stupid disease. That's what I wanted to share.

School has been getting on my nerves lately, I'm just really tired of everything
I can't wait for all the projects and exams to be done
really I am sick of it and I really want to kill myself

Getting over you

I'm really am tired sometimes. I guess the main reason why I cut my hair was an excuse for me of moving on. Moving on from guys. Guy that I loved, guy that I liked. I've became another person nowadays. I'm meaner, and I will ignore you because in my mind, there's no need for me to talk to you because you have obviously found the girl you want to be with. I can see it through your eyes. The way you looked at her, hurts me. What do you want me to do? I don't want to talk to you because I'm scared of falling over again for you. Everytime I passed by, I regret of not talking to you but at the same time.. I want to protect myself from being hurt. I'm really hurt, really really hurt it just doesn't show because I don't want it to show. I try to talk less about you, day by day, I want to forget you. Forget the love I once had for you. I'm so stupid but what do you want to do.. what do you want me to do. It's the best thing that I can do for myself. I try to find a replacement to replace the place you've took from my heart. I got attached to that person as well but not as much as I am towards you. Tears don't fall anymore because I don't let them to. Everytime I see you.. I still remember the first day you hold my hand, the first day you talked to me with your sweet and loving brown eyes, the first day when I kissed you, the first day I've fallen for you, the first day I've been hurt because of you, the first day I'd cried for you, the last day of me trusting you.

Sad to say, you still are in my heart and I still can't let go

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year started in a horrible way that I didn't like. Argument. I don't know why but every time that things get better something negative always happen to my family and I really hate that. My resolution for chinese new year is the same as my new year's resolution. I guess I'm the typical chinese girl that believes that my 2012 year has just started because I'm chinese.. I just want to believe there's still good things that will happen to me during this year. 2011 was my worst year in everything.. love, friendship, school, family and work. But in 2011 I'd learned that there are some people that aren't worthy of being apart of my life. So yeah I'm pretty much doing my homework but I just wanted to post something on chinese new year to see how it goes.
I just wish that everything will be fine and I don't have to be hurt this year. Please, I really don't! I want to be happy and not be confused by guys and stuffs. I think my biggest weakness is that I get attached to easily and I really have to change the way it is because now I am hurting myself and this is really unhealthy for me. So yeah I have to be independent and if the right one comes along, then that's good